Saturday, January 11, 2020

Heart break


NEVER KNEW I WANTED YOU

Lately I have symptoms thought it was the flu ….oh great …..I need to get sick like a hole in my head......after two week of still feeling bad ...keep vomiting ….and was tired as hell for no dam reason …..and my  breast was tender as hell …..Well  I was on the phone with my best friend Holo so I invited her over …..we decided to just  hang out …..the first thang she said when she came in the house is you look thicker ...rolling my eyes ….she said  no your ass look bigger …….omg Holo stop being dramatic I was thinking I was about to tell her just that  when I found myself running to the bathroom …...Holo dramatic ass start fussing about me inviting her over and Im sick and she didn't want to get my germs and blaaaa blaaa blaaaa…..calm down girl I just ate something that was bad …...after the 3rd time making a bathroom run Holo just left so I went to lay down ….when I hear my door chime I thought it was the hubby coming in …….Holo threw a paper bag on my bed and said take this bitch …..grab the bag thinking its something to settle my stomach its a pregnancy test really bitch a pregnancy test...….she standing there with a big ass grin on her face ….I frown …..all the things you  could have brought me ….I need ginger ale, and crackers not a pregnancy test ….she look at me like I was crazy ...Brit your pregnant ...I'm not I said ...after going back and forth with her I finally said i'll take the test to shut you up ……..when I sat on the toilet and pee on the stick I sat it on the counter Holo went into the bathroom and let out a scream......jumping up and down screaming I told you that your pregnant in a sing song way ….I jump up and grab the test out of her hand ….it cant be ….this test has to be wrong so I went to the nearest Walmart and purchase 3 more boxes.....took all three boxes each test came out positive …..I sat down on the bed …what am I gonna do …..I don't want kids, I not ready for a kid, can I afford a baby ….how's my husband gonna react.....are some of the question that ran through my mind …..omg I'm going to be a mother ….feeling scared....the next day I call my doctor and made appt for the next day …..went in and she confirm I was pregnant even let me listen to heartbeat......and she put some gel on my stomach and a saw this lil bean ..in tears that's my baby that when it got real for me ….. my heart fell in love right at the moment …..she printed out a picture gave me a prescription for prenatal vitamins  ….so on the way home my mind was all over the place thinking ...I'm gonna get fat,  excited that I can eat anything  I want right now, is it gonna be a girl or boy …..will she look like me  or will she have my eyes ...will my son has my hubby lips ...I love those lips ….will it be a combination of both of us ….what color should I make the nursery ….I mean my mind was all over the place....when I got home I was gonna make a romantic dinner so I can break the news to the hubby but first I'm going to need to take a nap...……..I woke up to cramps …..and wetness between my legs I hop up and ran to the bathroom I was bleeding hard …..omg I went to the emergency room  praying hard the whole time …. lord don't let me lose this baby and asking forgiveness for my negative thoughts about this child and found out I miscarriage then they had to do this procedure call a DNC …..I came home in tears feeling depressed …..feeling like a failure I lost the very thing I thought I never wanted and crushed about it  …...after staying in bed for 3 days straight …...I finally drag myself out of bed and wash my ass


 Lets talk about my outfit
I got my outfit at the Tres Chic Fair...…..
LSR-Sexy Shazzy Wool Dress (Pink)  249 L 
LSR-Shoes-Elish Boots for 169L come with a color hud so you match it with any outfit

Hair: Little Bones-Bliss





I told myself things happen for the best ….now I'm still sad but I'm trying to stay positive ….there will be a next time I hope

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